Thursday, December 24, 2009

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

THIS will change your life.

If you like lady gaga.
And dramatic singing.
Which... duh. is awesome.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

I need to share how i feel

about leggings.

LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS.
That is why they are called something different
.
I don't care who you are.
You look silly and desperate. Please stop.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

This Mail is

pretty messed up.

Here is Mike's:


And here is Mine:


What is up with that?
Just because i'm a female they assume i'm moody? BOOOOOOOooooooooo

Monday, November 16, 2009

If i were to write a book

this is what i would want to write.




He took the words RIGHT out of my mouth- or computer, or fingers, or whatever you think is more appropriate.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Friday, October 30, 2009

The thing is

we are all mean selfish people.
Really.
We are.
And i am ok with that.
I think the sooner we learn to accept who and what we are, the happier we will be.

We are also all pions. That's right.
We have a limited amount of resources, and things happen that are out of our control. People can get mad at us all they want, but nothing is going to change. You know why? BECAUSE THE WORLD IS A MESS. And also because i can't control these other people who are ruining the world.

WHO are these people you ask? THESE (read loudly- filled with annoyance) are the people that lack common curtesy. They are the spazzy lane changers, the crowded-store-isle-blockers, the non-elevator holders, the i-let -my-kids-do-whatever-they-want-because-i-am-affraid-to-be-a-real-parent people.

HOW DO WE MAKE THEM STOP? Get over yourself-And think about someone else for a second. If we could all successfully do this- i am telling you..... prisons would become barren. We could take those large amounts of land and turn them into amusement parks, theaters, museums- anything!

We all think the meanest thoughts in the world- some don't say them outloud. Why? I know it seems far fetched, but being nice to people will actually get you further in life, or at least further faster- and more positive results. For example, i was picking up a lunch order for work clients at my local Olive Garden. They were running VERY behind. And i just sat there. and sat and sat and sat. Did i make the biggest stink in the world and be mean and lame? no. I asked how long it would be-so i could let the clients know- and sat some more. And... they gave me a free piece of cheesecake.

So the moral of this tale is... even though we are all mean inside, be nice on the outside. Or at least find the right person to get mad at, and yell at them. And leave the rest of us alone.- you may even get free stuff.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Greatest Event that can take place in

a person's life, is happening to me (ME!) this Friday. and mike.

It will be nothing short of a miracle, when we exit the Hoopes Vision Center approx. around 3:00pm with nothing less than 20/20 vision.*

PRAISE science.
You, more than anything or anyone we have ever met-
will change our lives forever.

Thank for the lord (or whatever higher-power entity you believe in) for Lasik!

*technically, they don't promise more than 20/40 vision in writing, but i am hoping for the best.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Monday, October 12, 2009

If you liked it then you

should have......already watched this!

(click on the title)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Definately an Age Gap

Co worker: Did you notice that Dan has added a status/message next to your name? He's a bad boy.
kajsiaotteson: i don't have any status message on my computer. (referring to yahoo instant messenger)
kajsiaotteson: ...
Co worker: It show us as " Is wearing Red Long Hair Swept Back on Side"
kajsiaotteson: oh...
kajsiaotteson: that is because that is what my avatar is wearing in the picture.
Co Worker: I've never seen it before ...
kajsiaotteson: oh.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

"There's nothing worse then being a

car owner," is what the chatty co-worker said to me while grabbing peanut M&M's from the giant yellow bag.

"oh really?" i ask with raised eye brows. "What about pestilence and plague? A disease? losing a limb....?"

"I mean... honestly, nothing is more annoying than....BLAH BLAH."
I can see i am having a huge impact in this conversation.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I walk into work today and at all major entrances a sign reads,

"DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE
TURN ON ANY COMPUTER,
OR PLUG ANY COMPUTER INTO THE NETWORK!!!!!"


Later on, a co-worker comes up and asks me after reading the sign, "i don't understand. What does that sign mean?"
Me: It means you can't turn on any computer.
Co Worker: But i don't understand..."
Me: Well. just don't turn on your computer.
Co Worker: I need to see our IT director.
Me: ...... ok.

LATER ON
...

The same co-worker asks me, "Are you a football fan? Did you watch the game on Saturday?"
(of course, there are many games on, but since i am frequently asked questions about the same sport and team, i knew what he was referring to)

Me: I am not a fan of it, but the TV was on, so i saw some of it.

Co Worker: It was the kind of game that could make a sports fan out of anyone.

Me: I highly doubt that it worked for me.

Co Worker: no, it could have.

....

considering the source, i am pretty sure i am still not a fan.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Itchy Itchy Scratchy Scratchy

Ooooo i got on in my knee pit. That's right. A mosquito bite.
What is up with that?
and yes...
this is the most exciting thing that has happened in a while.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Yeeehaw!

Best part of the Spanish Fork Rodeo-

1. Horse bucking














2. The sweet smell of animal waste and fried foods- the blending of something i love with something i hate. It was very confusing.
3. The children riding the sheep.












4. The authentic cowboys
5. Bull riding. of course!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

How to Use a Cell Phone

1. NEVER NEVER answer when you are in a movie, a play, a wedding. *cough* tacky. In fact, leave it at home, or turn it off.

2. Don't talk loudly. You can use the same audio level you would if you were talking to the person face to face- you don't need to blow out someone's ear drum and we don't all need to know you are at the store to pick up..... insert personal item. Which is why you should-

3. NEVER have personal, private conversations in public. Would you be talking about said topic in certain places (the BATHROOM) if the person was actually there with you?

4. Don't answer your phone or text on a date- or any other significant event. If you can't give 5 minutes of your attention to another person, how do you expect to ever get a boyfriend/girlfriend which you will need to dedicate hours of your life?

5. Don't text during class. Especially if the lights are out. If you are so bored- LEAVE.

6. Don't read texts while in a group of people and then laugh. It's really awkward for everyone else.

7. End all calls when approaching another person that you are requesting help from. For example- at the cash register. This person is doing YOU a service. Are they are cutting into your cell phone call? how rude of them.

8. Don't text late at night or early in the morning. Some people use their phones for alarms and need to keep on them all night. Please don't let your text be the wake up call. Remember that Maroon 5 song? yeah. that could be your fate.

9. And further more- do not text uselessly. none of this, "K," or "C ya."

10. Like it says on the cover of WIRED magazine (featuring Brad Pitt wearing a hands free phone), "Ditch the Headset." You look silly.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

American Idols live!

They came and sang...


















"Don't stop... believing!"
They are not that great singing all together,
but i love that song and they sang it.
YAY!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Monday, July 6, 2009

What is more Patriotic than...

Having a Bbq with your family

Going and seeing a movie

Eating plenty of treats

Watching Neil Diamond on TV sing, "America"


















Watching fireworks

Sleeping for long amounts of time.


Seriously, what else is?
nothing!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

"There was never a genius without a

tincture of madness."
- Aristotle














Byebye Micheal. I am still a fan.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Saturday June 20, 2009

5 Not-So Awesome Things about Saturday
1. Mike and I publicly ran in the rain from the theater to our car.
2. The car battery was dead.... from leaving the lights on.
3. The Home Depot doesn't have fully charged battery chargers.
4. We blocked the road while getting the car jumped.
5. Walmart was out of cheesecake.

5 Awesome Things about Saturday
1. Mike and I saw "The Proposal"- funny.
2. We had lunch at Subway--yum!
3. Friends came over.
4. We ate pot stickers and a delightful creme pie.
5. MTV's Charm School made me laugh so hard and also want to rip my eyes out.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Kelly came!

And she sang. And said, "ya'll." I was there. And i loved it.


















I hope the just over 10,000 enjoyed it as well.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

It's Asparagus Season

from mid April til about mid June... so they say.
I like asparagus.
I like everything about asparagus. i like cooking it, i like seasoning it, i like eating it... until later that night.
Then i don't like it as much.

There is an unfortunate side affect that i wish would go away.
:(

Friday, May 29, 2009

Who's been walking on my car?

with dirty feet no less.







What could it be?




Meow.

Or......


Woof.
I don't really know.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The thing about having

a parking spot with your condo number on it- is that it's YOUR parking spot.

I'm pretty sure this is common knowledge. When someone drives into any complex with numbers corresponding with parking spots, you don't just park anywhere you want. That is why there is "visitor" painted right on the ground.

Apparently where i live people aren't aware of this social norm, or they don't care.
TWO days in a row i have had to just stare at a white van in my spot.

WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?

First of all- i am not into mini vans.
second of all- i hate white vehicles.
THIRD- GET OUT OF MY SPOT.

I drove around the parking lot... and the saw the offenders walking to wards the van and sat in my car with my blinker on... and probably a gross face.

They moved.
and if they are there again.....
they'd better watch out.


A strongly worded note is headed their way.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Could there be a better

way to spend an hour?
I doubt it.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Thursday May 7th

I had just gotten home from work and school (boooo) and started to make dinner when mike comes in to our 78 degree condo.
Kajsia: " hey... how are you?"
Mike: "tired..." (walks towards me) "wow. your hair looked a lot better this morning then it does now..."

Ahh. How sweet. Just what ever girl wants to hear.

Kajsia:" gee. thanks"
Mike:" i mean, it was so curly this morning and it looked good..."
Kajsia: (points to head) "this is what happens when it's hot outside and i work in a sauna box..."
Mike: " and now... i mean.... it's not bad.... it just looks....... different"

That's right. Keep digging the hole.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Pet Peeve #9

A person comes and talks to you, asks you how you are doing, and then when you return the favor they give you vague answers because they want you to keep on asking more questions-when you really were only asking in the first place to be polite.
Then they want you to keep on digging into to their personal life when all you want to do is be left alone?
What is up with that?
Like you EVEN CARE? and if they want to talk to you so badly, why don't they just spit it out already?

I will never understand ...

Monday, April 27, 2009

School's out for...

almost a week. Praise the lord.
Mike and i start again next Wednesday.
Isn't life fun.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

This is the cutest thing

I have seen in a while.
I hope you love it.

Monday, April 13, 2009

I love candy.

Easter is awesome.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Ought oh

Back in the good old days when Mike could barely walk- one evening he was sitting on the couch relaxing and enjoying a "house" episode on USA as i was preparing a delightful nutritious dinner of ... something chicken. While i'm cooking, chopping, seasoning, i see the door open and a little kid just standing there- who obviously does no live with us.
Mike leans over and says, "ought oh.... get out now.... close the door..."
I see the door slowly close.
We both burst out laughing, "What in the?"
CRAZY KIDS.
we now always lock the door.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Aside from

Living the life of luxury in my condo with the loudest people in the world above us and the craziest kids outside- (For example-Some little kids asked Mike if he had any candy while he was walking from his car to our condo. Mike told them he didn't and then they asked why. "Because i just don't...." then the kids asked him if he wanted to go the gas station to get some... mike politely relied, "not right now,"... who just does that? and where are their parents?)

i am also developing the uncanny ability to use the restroom at the same exact time as someone else. It happens at work, at school....... which is really a feat since there are so many bathrooms at UVU and i walk out of the building my classes are in and go to a nicer one to do my biz.

It's not awesome.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

This is what i've been up to...

Besides my homework.














Can you tell what this is supposed to be a rip off of?

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Roger Thompson Please Dial

extension 4914 for David Judd... Rog.... Blurggghh er Thompson.

That was my awesome page today.

(that's not a burping noise-i would never- that's me stuttering)

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

How did i not know about this?

I love it when they take a picture with the camera.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Reasons why certain old people should not drive

1. They can't see over the stirring wheel and park dangerously close to the car in front of them where a young healthy heterosexual couple happen to be loading groceries.
2. The older foot slips off the break pedal and onto the gas and smash the man's (mike's) legs in between cars.
3. The old person's reaction time is significantly delayed and causes the woman (me) to yell "back up the car..." repeatedly.
4. An older person goes into shock and simply stares at the girl yelling...
5. Which causes her to yell even louder in increasing hysterics (hello! someone's legs are trapped between 2 cars fool)
6. The winkled-foot-slipping accident breaks the little bone in the back of the man's leg and pretty much ruins a otherwise nice Sunday afternoon.
7. The old woman will most likely forget what happened in her old age while the others (mostly me) will constantly get the willies reliving the episode in their mind and cringe at the site of nasty bruises.

(sorry if you don't want to see these pictures...)

and most importantly:
8. People with broken legs can't play soccer... and i guess old women can't either but they shouldn't drive and ruin other people's sports seasons.

So if you are this certain elderly person.... please. Take the bus.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Raisins anyone?

i don't usually grab for chocolate covered raisins when i need a little sug, but i thought today Mmmmmmm-maybe they are sort of healthy... maybe?

Dried fruit with a coating... that's better than a candy bar right?
either way
I am telling you they are yuuuuuuummmmmy.









Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Update #2

Gum girl was in my seat yesterday...
it was not awesome.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Gum Girl Update

My teacher did it today. LASERS.
Plus public embarrassment for playing with her ipod in the FRONT row and for sleeping... again when you sit on the font row you can't do these things.

I started to feel a little bad for her, but then she POPPED her gum and i snapped out of it.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Pet Peeve #4

If you have ever sat by me with gum you know that i HATE gum popping with a passion (I really hate all loud unexpected sounds, but gum popping is revolting and the worst.... aside from belching).

anyways-

There is a (i'm sure lovely) girl in one of my classes who sits in the front row across from me (some people call these the "suck up" seats but i say to that- i am blind and i like to actually learn while i'm in class) who finds the need to not only chew her gum like cow cud, but apparently thinks it is the greatest most helpful amazing idea in the entire world to pop her nasty gum so loud that it echos not only throughout the classroom but then bounces off the cement walls and down the hall. I hate it.

I hope my teacher's eyes will morph into lasers, beam into her mouth and evaporate the gum mid pop-but it seems he is not the mighty morphin art professor power ranger that saves the day, but simply an ordinary teacher who is deeply occupied with the lecture, answering silly questions, teaching blah blah and doesn't notice this girl has become an extremely annoying distraction and is evidently oblivious to anyone but herself.

I try to focus on the material in front of me but as i attempt to write down the characteristics of Archaic Greek sculpture... POP.

Wait... what? I look up to the board, hoping there's a bullet point to go with the words i distantly remember hearing.
POP

Scliiiiipsk (licks lips) Chomp chomp...

No bullet point.
What did he say? I tap my pen, trying to remember.

POP

My teacher moves onto something else

......... the madness continues.

POP

...

POP

crap. i'm screwed.

Monday, February 23, 2009

It's

National Pancake week! yay.


Thursday, February 19, 2009

Pet Peeve #7

Being talked to like i am the biggest ugliest most incompetent idiot someone has ever had to encounter on this planet.

Not only are certain people annoyed i don't have the skills of a mind reader or psychic, but these same individuals deem me worthless because i do not (nor could i with the sub par capabilities my pea sized human brain has to offer) be able to keep tabs on every employee i come in contact with- know their constant whereabouts, personal schedules and preferences. I am close to NEVER supplied with this information, but i am also not allowed by company policy to give it out (if i ever happened to have it).

Just because i can't provide some self proclaimed big shot with this "vital to their existence" information- doesn't somehow force me to fall in the sub-human/inept/disgusting/should be taken and buried alive because they contribute nothing to society category.... nor should i be ruled even a little dim.

If anything i am made much less useful by wasting my time taking to you.

That's right.
You know who you are.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

These are some MUST see's

So awkward. right?

I was going to add the Christian Bale freak out- but i decided it might offended some.
SO instead i will add this.

Friday, February 13, 2009

What is up

with people going private on their blogs?
Isn't the point of a blog to announce to the world how awesome you are?
Just kidding. I understand some people need to take precautions with their life... but
it cracks me up when these same people keep 3587000 of their closest friends on their facebook/myspace where they feature pictures of their new baby, house with address, give explicit intimate details of their life, offer up their credit card, social security number...

Luckily for me, i don't have a facebook/myspace (praise the lord!) and i really have nothing of interest that the whole world couldn't know about me... really. ask me anything and i will just tell you.

AND...
this may just be a rumor that is going around to scare people- but i heard potential employers are now checking facebook and myspace pages to see what kind of person you REALLY are..... dun dun dun.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

crappiest generation of spoiled idiots

I think most friends know how i feel about people today....

Friday, February 6, 2009

There is this LAME drip

that is landing on my head from sky light. Apparently there is a crack or a leak of some sort.

Why don't i tell someone? well- i sure have. Many times. Unfortunately the solution is to "wait for it to stop raining/snowing/hailing and dry up and then it simply won't drip anymore." NOT really what i am wanting to hear. But i guess that is just how it is.

I've adapted pretty well. It generally hits a spot on the desk between my arms, but sometimes when i'm not thinking i'll lean forward and it will get me smack on the forehead- this is not awesome. It reminds of me birds going potty on my head. Has that ever happened to you?

It's disgusting. It happened to me back in the day, and not only did it halt my valuable outside playing time, but i had to go inside, take another shower AND wash my hair (which takes twice as long as a regular shower)- this was basically an unrecognized form of torture to me back then.

The point is..... dripping water is unpleasant.
and conjures up painful memories.

and oddly enough, makes me feel dirty.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Has anyone else noticed

that common courtesy seems to be fading away from society? Every time i go out in public i notice stolen parking spots, cars not stopping for pedestrians, people allowing doors to slam in others faces. I guess we're all in such a hurry to do whatever it is we are doing we don't have time to think about anyone else.

Well. stop it.

Call me old fashioned (at the ripe age of 24) but i think good manners are the glue of society. I'm not saying we have cover a puddles with our bodies or hold the door open for hours, but i think it would be nice if instead of adding to the crap that goes on daily we just stepped back and were aware of our surroundings.

Example- Yesterday i was walking to class when a MINI van (who thought of that name anyways? Those things are FAR from mini) thought it would be a good idea to stop mid-intersection and back up onto the sidewalk- causing a drama for the car behind who had to slam on their breaks and swerve, as well as me (the pedestrian) to run around them in a frenzied pattern as to avoid getting my legs smashed. While- mid chaos-another car took the coveted parking spot.

Sucka.

Maybe that is justice. But i would prefer for that mini van to never drive again. And for the madness to stop.

Friday, January 30, 2009

It is NOT acceptable

to call ME and put me on hold unless you are

1. saving someone's life
2. winning a million dollars on the other line- which if that is the case, you owe me a cut.

That is it. NO other excuse.

Monday, January 26, 2009

BTW

I did finally make some cookies yesterday and they were NOT awesome. Really soft-but super BLAND. Boooo. Don't use "The Test Kitchen's Big Chewy Cookie" recipe... unless you want to be sourly disappointed and stuck with big cookies that aren't even worth the calories.

Student/Teacher exchange

Over heard from the student sitting next to me and my 20th Century Art Teacher at exactly 1:11pm Room GT 216c UVU

Student: "so. for the tests, are we going to have to analyze the painting? Or what will it be like?"
Teacher: "It will be more along the lines of, 'Explain how this painting has Fauvism characteristics and German expressionism characteristics.'"
Student: "Ok. So it will be like, Explain how this painting has Fauvism characteristics and German Expressionism characteristics.
Teacher: Pauses, looks around...
Kajsia: LARGE SMIRK
Teacher: "Yes. The test will be like that."
Student: "Ok. cool" proceeds to write down exact repeated sentence.

This is the caliber of thinkers i am surrounded by in class ( i know there are smarties out there, they just don't happen to sit next to me).
Needless to say, it's a long hour and 15 minutes.

I was going to add, "i think there may be more than one question on the test..."
but i decided to keep this juicy bit of information to myself.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

All i want to do...

is make some cookies.
But the most tragic event ever to happen in my life (so far) took place last Saturday when i broke the cookie jar i had just received A DAY earlier as a gift (i know, butter fingers right? except i think my hands were dry at that point).
I haven't scrounged up the courage or strength it will take to make a batch- since i know i will just have to put my finished product in some regular container, which is so depressing it may cause me to have a breakdown.

In the mean time, i fill the void with pictures and useless references to cookies like this quiz: what kind of cookie are you?

In case you wondering I'm a


But this isn't even a kind i have ever wanted to eat or make- i don't think they exciting in the least. Except for the fortunes. They are pretty ok. But the actual taste of the cookie is a little lacking for me. Why was it even created? I mean, why make a cookie that doesn't taste fantastic? That is tragic in and of it's self.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What are you looking at? I hope not me.

I have a head set at work. Not only do i look something like a pop star who can't be tied down with an old school mic since that would hinder my oh so scandalous dance moves- but it's actually functional- not in the way that you'd image-I don't answer calls with it- i used to, but then we changed systems. regressed in technology and now i answer phones with an actual receiver- but i keep the head piece so i can my music though it and not disturb others... in theory.

I've had this song in my head for days. And i love it. It's awesome because i don't know all the words, so you hear me belt out the parts i know and then you hear something that sounds like a mix of drunk talk and animal whining," Duh duh duh Whheeen yo saaaaid doooo dooo..." and i get odd looks. I think (hope) mostly it's because i forget where i am. Not at some podunk karaoke joint, or safely in my car where i can make whatever sounds i want and not feel ashamed... but it's because i am at work. At the front desk. And simultaneously answering calls.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Guilty Pleasures

Eveyone has one --That show you love to watch when everyone thinks you're at the gym... the CD you only listen to when no one is home...

Maybe you like to read while using the toilet- Or weep shamelessly at those adopt-an-animal commercials.

One of my guilty pleasures is reading far fetched novels by my favorite author who always places her characters in impossible situations through which they somehow always manage to solve the crime, escape the murders and or fall in love.

I have a 40 minute break between my art history classes (which are in the same room, so i stay in my seat during the gap to ensure visibility of the board once class starts)- where i enjoy reading my books. Unfortunately, after class ends and my reading time begins, i am surrounded by stragglers who feel the need to get validation from the teacher and insist on opening their mouths and sputtering out typically useless sentences which frequently involve the word, "so."

For example, Student: "So, (dramatic pause, Look around to make sure all available yes are on them- continues) i am SO interested in the lifestyle of the Minoans, i think they are SO different and their art is SO... BLAH BLAH... SO... SO..." by now I've stopped eavesdropping (another guilty pleasure). These types tend to talk in circles, waste my life, and RARELY say anything remotely interesting or worth over hearing.

I'm torn.
I don't feel comfortable with my guilty pleasure novels coinciding with my school environment, but i can't listen to those incessant nasally suck ups- and I'm dying to know- Who killed Lindsay and stole Doug's stash? Is Heather walking into a trap, and will she ever tell Cooper how she really feels?

I plan to slowly and quietly pull out my book, never drawing attention to myself, then reading to my hearts content. Unfortunately for me, i don't know if i have ever done anything even remotely quiet and slowly... My book slips through my hands and lands on my desk cover face up.

The suck ups turn their eyes and meet this picture:



















I half smile as my cheeks flush with embarrassment (i hope they don't notice) and freeze in fear.
What do i do next?
I've been found out!
These brown nosers (and my teacher) know I don't always read "classics" or memorize my text book in my spare time- like i'm sure they do.

I wait for the snicking, finger pointing and persecution that is sure to ensue.

With my deep insecurities unknown, they turn back to their captivating conversation-not giving me or my book another glance.

Phew, that was a close one.
I finish putting my binder in my backpack. My cheeks hold their pink tint, but i bury my head in my book and quickly forget anyone is even in the room.

Once all human life is gone (aside from me of course) i quietly reflect on what happend and decide i am officially insane to feel ashamed of my recreational reading.

Now read whatever i want... but don't flash the covers around.

So that's it- There is no shame anymore. Don't be afraid to take out that Hanson Album, or watch those reality shows, or do whatever it is you are embarrassed about- chances are, people won't even notice anyways.

Just don't turn the volume up too loud.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Every time i get sick

i tell myself i will never forget how great it feels once i'm well again.
Of course time passes (sometimes no more than a week or two) ... and my short lived goal dies as i feel my body just might give up as well.
Seriously.
Having a sour throat is terribly uncomfortable, and not only that- but it hinders my cheeto puffs consumption- which is known to lift any particularly bad mood i may be in.

i think the worst physical feelings in the world are:

1. Being badly sun burned
2. Having that "i -have-to-go-to-the-bathroom-constantly" feeling
3. Having to sneeze, but it won't come out
4. An itch when you can't reach
5. Recovering from a surgery
6. A popcorn kernel stuck in one of two back teeth-where it is almost impossible to reach stubby fingers.
7. Suppressing a cough
8. A hang nail
9. A spec of dust in your eyes with hard contacts
10. Trying not to throw up
11. Having a sore throat

Did i miss any?

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Now that I'm A Pro (*cough* yeah right)

I will let you in on a few secrets.

If you are getting married, close to…. Engaged, dating, stalking, or dreaming and intending on it one d
ay- I have put together a few guidelines for you... and they go a little something like this:

Ignore ev
eryone’s advice (except for the person who is writing what you are now reading- but including any self-help-newlywed-books-for-couples-to-read-together that people will re gift to you [no doubt some with previous inscriptions in them] as a wedding present because they are too cheap to buy you a something you'll use and or too lazy/not awesome to be honest and write the ultimate marriage guide-which of course you now are reading)


People will constantly share their opinions and preferences about what they think you need to have the “perfect” day, from the type of favor or bubbles to blow- to old wives’ tales of what “has” to happen or “has” to be worn. I have made up a simple quiz to help sift through what is actually important and what is an added perk- which is, of course, entirely made up from my own opinions and preferences- but they are correct.

Just kidding

Wedding True or False
To have the perfect wedding you need:

1. Something old, Something new, Something borrowed, Something blue
FALSE

2. A sideshow of the two of you through the years, set to Green Day's "Time Of Your Life"( or some popular country love song)and ending with the couple's baby photos side by side-
FALSE

3. Smearing of the cake on the groom's face
FALSE- you really can just eat it like people.









4. The Singles table
FALSE- we can all sit together. We are all friends.









5. The clinking of glasses to initiate a kiss
FALSE- and i'm pretty sure you can kiss whenever you want.

6. Tell yourself and listen when people say over and over “This is your day”
FALSE- This is a shared occasion. I know some girls dream about it for years, but I'm pretty sure there is at least one other significant person involved... like the person you are marrying. And your families... and your friends.



















7. Think marriage is the key to a person's happiness, or will finally "complete" you.
FALSE- I'm not saying it's not fun, but marriage sure isn't the quick fix for anything.

8. Be comfortable
TRUE












9. Have fun
TRUE














10.
Like each other
TRUE












11.
Eat good food
TRUE








There you have it.

You only need 4 things to have the perfect wedding.

Everything else is up for grabs.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I think i could graduate in... 39 credits.

That isn't too bad right? But I'm pretty sure it's going to take me at least 3 years.
Why? Because:
1. I'm lazy
2. It's too cold outside to take more than two classes.
3. I don't see anything i want to register for- well that wasn't at some insane hour.
4. I need to adjust to married life.... right? i mean because it's SO different than dating. NOT. If you want to hear my thoughts about that- ask me later.
5. I dream of owning or running a cookie shop, and that somewhat conflicts with a school schedule.
6. I'm still holding onto the hope that i can turn one of my hobbies or past school endeavors into something that will make money-therefore, no more school needed.
7. It's fairly expensive- and i could be saving that money for the cookie shop- or design consulting services.
8. It's takes away from blogging, which is obviously awesome.
9. I'm holding out for them to get an Interior Design or Art history program, so i can finish what i started or work at a museum where, in theory, it is quiet.
10. I need to catch up on some much needed hygiene= hair cut, dentist. etc.
11. But mostly i think I'm lazy.

Friday, January 2, 2009

"Happy" New Year

As the new year begins it's said to be the time of reflection - the time for writing down goals and "reachable" aspirations. The time to dedicate yourself to perhaps actually change a bad habit or two.
For example- stop being forgetful, stop being so clumsy (pay attention to what I'm doing). Or there is always the staple: finally start to jog even though it's 30 below outside.

I woke up feeling like i could perhaps be a better, classier, more "put-together" version of myself. Maybe.

Then i went to work (was the only one there) and did the following:
sat in the dark
took down the Christmas decorations
realized i forgot my breakfast
found a random strawberries and cream oatmeal packet i must not have used another morning
got exited- fixed it
spilled it all over the break room floor and water dispenser (i'm still not sure exactly how this happened... ghosts? magic?)
cleaned it up because i am not like other sickos who enjoy leaving their messes for others (a.k.a ME) to later gag on and inevitably clean up.
found ANOTHER (yay! can you believe it?) spare oatmeal packet labeled "original" flavor.
cooked it.
took a bite.
Then another.
Decided "original" flavor is actually the sickest thing on the planet- as far as instant oatmeal breakfast packets go.
felt no human should ever have to suffer through that, and contemplated who would actually choose to buy such rancid food.
throw bowl away.
sat saddened at desk...
got over it and ate a granola bar.

Mmmmmm.
I guess this won't as easy as i thought.