Tuesday, April 20, 2010

With finals approaching

i wanted to share the diet i will be starting.

The Candy Bar Diet.

That's right. I learned from "Psychology Today,"
"For a quick mental performance booster, eat 85 grams—about two chocolate bars—15 minutes before a test or any time you need a little extra focus."

Results: brilliance, heightened performance, boost in spirits, pain relief and random bouts of happiness with a sense of calmness.

Doctor prescribed

Thursday, April 15, 2010

best birthday gift ever

Just bringing "a little bit of life and laughter into kids’ lives" is what they are all about.
Scary Birthday Clown for Hire: Evil Clown Stalks Kids for You | The News is NowPublic.com

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I have officially been accepted into

the Secondary Education Program and with that comes the demand for a background check (done via Internet), and digital fingerprinting.

I proceed to go to a district building where i pay my fee and am assisted to the waiting area where only a man with a little girl are sitting. Another enters the building. He also pays his fees and is told there are two people ahead and of him in line and is then directed to the waiting area where he sees the other man and me (i know he see me because i give a "hey- welcome to the waiting area" face and he gives a slight nod) sits, and turns his back to me.

The digital
fingerprinting lady comes out and calls "next!" The man and his daughter go in the room and we continue to wait. 10 minutes passes, the finger printing is done and it is time for the "next!"

I stand up
but before i can get to the entrance- the slight nod guy leaps up, practically knocking over two chairs, and disappears into what i know to be MY time slot.

What is going on?

I thought we were living in a society where social rules are held to the highest esteem and a sense of community and common courtesy prevails.
Apparently slight nod guy feels differently.

A deeper concerning question comes to mind: Is this the kind of person we want teaching young impressionable children?(how do i know he is also going to be a teacher? We had the same University papers that needed signing) I don't think so.

I wish
his fingerprinting (or a background check) could show the really important things about a person like-
whether or not they signal when changing lanes
hold the door open for someone when their arms are full
if they end all calls before approaching any sort of teller
or of course,
If they butt in line.

I feel Nathaniel Hawthorne and Puritans really knew a thing or two about punishment, so in my perfect world we would all have to abide by...
Scarlet Letter Ruling

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

In efforts to become more personal & let the world know i am not actually

some creepy old person. It is time to get a profile picture.

I'm what you'd call a newbie. To find what is socially acceptable and popular I scanned various dating/marketing/networking sites, given that from a logical standpoint, the best pictures will be located where people are actively seeking attention and human interaction.

From them, I have created

5 (five) simple guidelines
(that will no doubt produce the perfect profile picture)

  1. Take it yourself.
    There is nothing more attractive than the extended arm included inside your photo.

  2. Make sure you have crappy lighting.
    The crappier, the better.

  3. Choose a weird setting that makes people asks themselves...
    where is she? is she really inside a____ ?(fill in the blank)

  4. Make a completely unnatural face.
    who wants to see what you really look like? Apparently no one. It is much better to have pouty lips, looking in the wrong direction, or even wearing a mask.

  5. When in doubt, add some sort interesting pose, or hand gesture.
    This will perhaps distract from your posed face and ensure some sort of personality is present.

and, voila!